Who would have thought?

        

        Have you ever reached a point in your life wherein you just feel sad for no particular reason at all? Wherein so many questions would just pop out of nowhere? Questions that you, yourself cannot answer? Personally, I had many of those. Even if nothing bad happened, you just suddenly stop and stare and start thinking. Endless thinking. So many what ifs and not even one answer. 

        I guess that's part of life. We need to have those kinds of days to actually be able to reflect on what's happening with us and around us. 'Coz most of the time we don't really see what's around us if we don't stop. Being sad at one point can actually help us notice the other side of things. Of course, we'll notice first the bad side but at the end of the thinking process we had, we'll realize that a lot of good things surround us. We just don't take time to appreciate them. Feeling sad which leads into deep thinking could be one of God's ways to show us what else He has prepared for us.

        These times could help us in knowing ourselves better. With that one feeling, you start asking questions and those questions will make you think. About yourself and about your whole life. Which is actually good. Who would have thought that being sad could actually be beneficial? Who would have thought that sadness could suddenly turn into happiness? :)

Credits to the owners of the pictures used above.

I can still smile.

Just wanna have this on my blog. I got it from tumblr.
Credits to the owner. 

Holding back.

Have you ever felt sad without even knowing the reason why? Or were there times wherein tears would just fall down from your eyes? Some of you may say that that's impossible or that's just nothing. But to tell you the truth, it happens a lot to me. Even if I'm not really thinking about something or someone, tears would just fall. And the worst part is, sometimes they'll continuously fall even if you're trying to hold the tears. Until now, I don't know the explanation to it. Maybe because I'm not even trying to find out the reason why this happens. Whatever the reason is, one day I'll know it. 

For the past year, that happened most of the time. It may be because I'm always at home and alone or what. Or maybe because of the "not so nice" things that happened last year. But as I've said, I'm not even thinking about anything at all when tears would just drop. All along I told myself that I should stop with the drama and all. But what I don't know is that it's not really "drama". It's actually something someone can't control. Before, I thought that I could control it. I even said that this year I would stop with that. But I can't. I can't tell myself what to feel. It feels what it feels. That's it. 

This year, I told myself that I should stop thinking about the things that happened in the past that makes me feel sad. That's what I told myself because I don't want to dwell in the past. I want to keep moving forward and just forget. But I guess it's not that easy. It's not some kind of magic that could just be poofed away. It's the emotions we're talking about here. 

I always try to control what I feel. And what does it do to me? It doesn't really make what I'm feeling go away. It's actually the reason why I start thinking about things. The moment I feel sad, that's when I start thinking about what's really wrong or what makes me sad. And I don't like that feeling. :( Well, that proves I'm not a robot. 

I know that the memories of the "not so nice" things that happened last year wouldn't be forgotten easily but I hope that one day I would just find myself with tears of joy. I want to be happy. I will be happy. :) 

What have I learned from this experience of mine? Nothing good happens when you're holding back.