Who would have thought?

        

        Have you ever reached a point in your life wherein you just feel sad for no particular reason at all? Wherein so many questions would just pop out of nowhere? Questions that you, yourself cannot answer? Personally, I had many of those. Even if nothing bad happened, you just suddenly stop and stare and start thinking. Endless thinking. So many what ifs and not even one answer. 

        I guess that's part of life. We need to have those kinds of days to actually be able to reflect on what's happening with us and around us. 'Coz most of the time we don't really see what's around us if we don't stop. Being sad at one point can actually help us notice the other side of things. Of course, we'll notice first the bad side but at the end of the thinking process we had, we'll realize that a lot of good things surround us. We just don't take time to appreciate them. Feeling sad which leads into deep thinking could be one of God's ways to show us what else He has prepared for us.

        These times could help us in knowing ourselves better. With that one feeling, you start asking questions and those questions will make you think. About yourself and about your whole life. Which is actually good. Who would have thought that being sad could actually be beneficial? Who would have thought that sadness could suddenly turn into happiness? :)

Credits to the owners of the pictures used above.

Believe. Dream. Make It Happen.

When we were kids, this question is always asked to us; "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Since then, I always had the same answer, I want to be a doctor someday. Most of the kids back then have that for an answer but only a few of them would actually pursue that dream. As I always say, it has always been my dream to be a doctor someday. I even remember telling that on national television, when I was interviewed for Knowledge Channel back then. So ever since, I know that I will be a doctor one day. 

This school year, I planned to go to medical school but there are just some things that quite didn't work out. My sister kept telling me that maybe those are signs that I'm not meant to be in med school, that being a doctor is not my future. I don't want to believe her but at one point, I started thinking about it and suddenly there were so many questions that were running on my mind. Questions that I can't answer that time.

"What if I'm not really meant to be a doctor?" 

"What if there's another profession that's right for me?"

"What if I won't be happy if I really end up being a doctor?"

"What if I can't do this?"

"What if all these years I just believed that it's my dream but it really isn't?" 

These questions have been on my mind for quite some time. There would be times at night, when I would just stop and think. And for the record, I didn't like those nights. There would be times that I would think whether I just grew up believing that it is my dream. But I'm glad I had those nights to let me think about things. I'm not getting any younger, at this point I should already know what I want in life. But why am I having doubts? 

I've been a bum for three months and because of that I had a lot of time to think. To think whether I would continue to med school or I should find another profession that will be best for me. I admit that besides being a doctor, there are a lot of things I wanna be. I wanna try new things. But still, being a doctor is my priority. The time I had to think made me realize a lot of things. My love for acting, dancing or simply performing had always been there. I thought of trying things that would show my passion for those things and now, I'm actually considering it. Now that I have all the free time. If the right time comes for me to do those things, why not. 

The nights of thinking made me realize that I really really really want to be a doctor. But now that I still have a year off, I will do things that would not be that related to medicine because once I go to med school, most probably I can't do any of the things I mentioned above because I will dedicate all my time in studying. Yes, I already planned it. Starting next school year, I will always be studying and I'm actually ready for that. I'm ready to turn my childhood dream into a reality. 

At this moment, I have all the answers I needed.

"I know that I'm meant to be a doctor."

"There's a probability that there would be another profession waiting for me, but as I said being a doctor would be number one on my list."

"I know that I will be happy once I end up being a doctor for it is what I want."

"I can do this! With the help of my family and with the guidance of the Lord."

"All these years, I believed that it is my dream and until now I will still keep on believing that this is my dream and I'm ready to  make it happen." 

Time to think about myself.

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”

                                                                 -Lao Tzu

     I just realized that I always care about what other people will think of me and it's not really a good thing. Most of the time, whenever I try to do new things I would always think of what other people would be thinking of me. That would always be the first thing on my mind. I never really cared about what I would feel if ever I would follow what I want to do. I know I'll be happy but thinking of what others would think would still be on top. And, whenever I fail to do something, I would still think of what others are thinking instead of just telling myself that it is just fine. 

     Just for instance, when I graduated from college and I didn't have any awards or whatsoever, I didn't even think of myself first but instead I thought of what my classmates, batchmates or even my teachers back in high school would think. I felt sad 'coz I know that I wasn't able to maintain what I had back in high school. I know that some would be saying things about me and that's really bothering me. I don't know why I'm always like that. I always care about what others think instead of thinking of myself first and I do need to change that. It's really a bad attitude. It's not that I'm doing something bad that's why I need to think of what others would say but maybe because I have that "image". Because for most people, their first impression of me would be the good, simple, sort of shy & timid, studious, grade conscious type of person. So, every time I do something "new" for them, I know some people would say something. For example, nowadays I am really into accessorizing and dressing up and for others they are not used to that. I also enjoy dancing, acting and things like that and again for others they don't see me doing those things. So I know that there are people who are saying something about me when it comes to those things. Even the smallest things that I would be doing, I know there would still be people around me that would be criticizing or saying something about me and I can't change them.

     I know that there would always be people who are like that. And I should really stop concentrating on those things and I should just focus on what would make me happy. If I would be doing something (and I assure you it won't be bad) or deciding on something, I'll make sure to think of myself first. I need to do that for myself  'coz all my life I have been thinking of what others would say or think first instead of what I would feel. I am now giving time to think about myself first whenever I would be making choices or even taking risks. 

I would definitely remember this.
Another photo that I posted on instagram:)
Credits to the owner.